Bed of Nails
by Jaina
Summary: PostStars. Angst. Look upon it and tremble, ye mortals.


Bed of Nails  
By Jaina  
  
This takes place at an undisclosed time sometime after the Stars season  
and way before Crystal Tokyo. As for rating...let's just say that if  
you never took 9th grade health class, you don't need to be reading this,  
though there is certainly nothing approaching explicit. I really, really  
don't own Sailor Moon.  
  
This is the product of a mind pondering angsty fic and the songs "One" and  
"With Or Without You" by U2, especially the latter, though this is not a  
songfic. While this piece does have a beginning, middle and end, it is not  
so much a story as it is an interlude from a possible future. I don't  
believe that this is what would happen (obviously not, from what we've seen  
in the anime), nor do I particularly believe that this should happen. This  
was just one of those rare instances when a set of words and images lodged  
itself in my mind and I could not write a word of anything else until I  
finished this. As of now, I don't plan on writing a sequel or continuation.  
If the muse showers me with pixie dust (aka crack), all bets are off, so  
never say never.  
  
Flame on!  
lhanson@bgnet.bgsu.edu  
  
***  
  
Ring firmly clasped in hand, Mamoru practically leapt from his car to  
the pavement. In the back of his mind, a little voice whispered that   
perhaps this should be done more romantically; say, with candles,   
dinner, dancing? He ignored the voice and hurried across the lawn.   
What were superficial tricks of society, invented so people would   
conform to what was "romantic," coincidentally spending lots of   
money at the same time, compared to their love? Mamoru was   
certain. The time was right. He was here, Usako was here, and   
neither of them was brainwashed, dying, or otherwise incapacitated.   
He had his mother's engagement ring to give her. What else   
mattered?  
  
Mamoru ignored the doorbell and let himself in-that was what his   
spare key was for, right?-but slowed as he ascended the stairs.   
Instead of the bouncy techno-pop or anime that Usagi usually blared   
when her family was away, he heard what sounded like soft, hitching   
sobs coming from her room. He opened his mouth to call to her, but   
was cut off by another voice.  
  
"Usagi-chan, please tell me what's wrong," Mamoru heard Makoto   
say. He tiptoed forward until he could see into Usagi's room through   
the cracked-open door. Both girls sat on Usagi's bed. His Usako lay   
hunched against the wall amidst tangled bedsheets, knees curled to   
her face, arms wrapped around her legs. Her unmade hair fell in limp   
strands, masking her face. Makoto had a hand on her friend's   
shoulder, obviously trying to comfort her without knowing what to   
do. Mamoru moved forward to console his beloved, then hesitated;   
something inside him told him to wait, that Usagi would not want him   
to see her like this. He waited.  
  
"I'm fine, Mako-chan," Usagi paused in her sobs long enough to   
respond. "Nothing's-I don't need your help," she corrected herself,   
apparently recognizing that she could hardly deny that anything was   
wrong.  
  
"Usagi, stop being a baka," Makoto said exasperatedly. "You've   
cocooned yourself in here all day. Your eyes look like mushrooms!   
They're so puffy I'm surprised you can see at all. Being by yourself   
obviously isn't helping, so I want you to tell me what's upset you so   
much."  
  
"Just go away, Makoto," Usagi choked, burrowing her face further   
into her knees. Mamoru almost cried out himself at the despondent   
timbre of her voice. "There's nothing you can do. I need to be   
alone."  
  
Makoto stood and bit her lip for a long moment. "I'm getting   
Mamoru-kun," she said at last.  
  
"NO!" Usagi jerked her head up at last, and this time Mamoru did   
gasp at the sheer wide-eyed desperation he saw in her face. "You   
can't, Mako, please no," she begged.  
  
"Why *not*, Usagi-chan?" Makoto asked. "What happened that's so   
bad that you can't even share it with Mamoru?"  
  
He was wondering the same thing. Mamoru's previous feelings of   
elation had dwindled to practically nothing as he eavesdropped. This   
sense of despair was unlike anything he'd ever seen from Usagi; the   
closest had been Michiru and Haruka had taken Hotaru and no one   
knew if the young senshi was alive or dead. This seemed almost   
worse, if that were possible. Mamoru felt a chill settle into his bones,   
a gnawing sense that desperately wrong was occurring and for all his   
power, he could do nothing to stop it.  
  
"Usagi-chan?" Makoto pressed. "I can't help you if you don't share   
with me."  
  
"You can't help this," Usagi whispered. "No one can."  
  
"At least let me try," Makoto pleaded.  
  
Usagi's shoulders slumped and she bowed her head, speaking more to   
her hands than to her friend. "If…if I tell you, you have to promise   
not to tell anyone," she said softly.  
  
"I would never," Makoto protested.  
  
"I mean *anyone*. Not Mamoru, not the other senshi, not anyone."  
  
She called him...Mamoru.  
  
"Usagi-chan…" Makoto took her hand and kissed the knuckles. "I   
promise."  
  
This prompted a weak smile from Usagi. Mamoru, on the other   
hand, was feeling an increasing sense of dread. Get out, his   
subconscious screamed at him, leave now while you still can.   
Respect the one you love. She doesn't know you're here. She   
doesn't want you to hear this.  
  
*You* do not want to hear this.  
  
"I haven't seen Mamoru in a week or so," Usagi began slowly.   
"Lately he's been really busy with his residency. We've…we've had   
some fights recently."  
  
They were just arguments, Usako, Mamoru sent to her mentally.   
They meant nothing. I love you, always and forever. You have to   
believe that.  
  
"The last time I saw him, he said he wasn't sure where we should go   
next," she continued, unaware of his telepathic pleas. "I thought he   
was having second thoughts about our future."  
  
But I didn't mean it like that.  
  
"Yesterday Seiya came over," Usagi said.  
  
"Seiya?" Makoto gasped. "They're back? Oh, Usagi-chan, that's   
good news, isn't it?"  
  
"Hai," she nodded. "That's what I thought. Seiya-kun said that he,   
Yaten and Taiki are to serve as ambassadors from their planet now   
that Galaxia has restored its star seeds. I…hugged him."  
  
"So?" Makoto seemed perplexed. "I've hugged him too, Usagi-chan.   
A hug is no big deal."  
  
"That's not all," Usagi whispered.  
  
Mamoru shook his head. Replayed her words in his mind. Not all?   
What else could there be? Usagi would never...  
  
"He asked me what's been happening since they left," she said. "I   
filled him in on everything. Minako-chan's play, Rei-chan's   
grandfather…and then he asked about Mamoru. I…told him about   
the arguments we've been having, how scared I've been feeling.   
That's when he hugged me. He told me that Mamoru was an idiot if   
he couldn't appreciate me…"  
  
Mamoru was inclined to agree if he'd missed Usagi's pain, but--  
  
"He told me he loved me," Usagi said. A bomb went off in   
Mamoru's chest. He struggled to contain the fire building inside, and   
then "…he kissed me. I didn't push him away."  
  
Makoto gasped loud enough that it covered up the sound of pain that   
escaped Mamoru's lips. "Oh, Usagi-chan," she said in shock,   
"but…but if you're crying now that means you're sorry it happened,   
right? Seiya is a very good friend and you were upset, things happen.   
If you just explain to Mamoru-kun that it didn't mean anything…"   
Usagi emitted a loud sob. "Usagi-chan, what is it?"  
  
"I am sorry it happened," Usagi choked. "I'd do anything to take it   
back. But I was so alone, so scared, I wasn't thinking straight. I   
*needed* someone and Seiya was just there, and he was saying all   
these things…I didn't mean to, Mako, but he kept kissing me and   
kissing me and I felt so loved and he didn't stop touching me and   
I…he…we…"  
  
No. No. Please, Usako, don't say it…don't say that you…  
  
She raised her voice once more. "Mako…I slept with Seiya," she   
wept.  
  
In the stunned silence that followed, one could almost hear the faint   
breaking of Chiba Mamoru's heart.  
  
***  
  
lhanson@bgnet.bgsu.edu  
http://www.katido.com/yajedancer/ 


End file.
